To my creator …

If I could use a literary phrase to describe us, it would be Nabokov’s “rust and stardust”. Because darling, you are the romance in life, stardust. You dream, you fly, you aspire for something out of the conventional. I want a 9 to 5 job that would give me the opportunity to take holidays every year and read a good book during the weekend. It’s always about more with you; greed was your greatest sin; you were so greedy in drawing out every moment in this life of ours, sucking hungrily upon it like a child on its mother’s teat. For you it is film, it is doing something that no one has done before; you want to be more than Quinten Tarrantino, more than Stanley Kubrick, more than Wes Anderson or any Hollywood big shot. You want to write a Greek epic about life, you want to direct something that touches us to our bones and fills our core with not love, but an appreciation for life.

In the darkness of night when we were seeking to find ourselves through half mumbled metaphors and books, whose authors have mustered the art of defining who they are in metaphors and beautifully strung sentences that hang like large clusters of ripe grapes in the cool air, you looked at my nail bitten hands and smiled. If only you could show the world who you are, the way you peel off the skin of your fingers to show your flesh; you mumbled, half drunk on memories and cheap wine. I laughed at you and called you a hopeless romantic, called you out for that seemingly creepy reference. Still, I wish you were right. You always saw me for more than I was; I was a wrapped miracle waiting to be exposed. You were wrong; compared to you, I was a two dimensional caricature, wanting nothing more than the expected, wishing for conventional boundaries, unwilling to traverse the seas to find hidden treasure.

I’m sorry, darling. You deserve someone who wants to adventure with you and not your alter ego who wants to stay at home and live in your suburban happily ever after. You deserve so much more than me.

With love,

— Morgana Bells about her creator


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